This all started around the beginning of February. It was a Sunday morning, where i was quietly enjoying my usual routine of coffee and the crisp, crinkly sensation of reading the Sunday paper, front to back. A few pages into the front section, my heart skipped a beat.
As soon as i saw the headline, i said, out loud, to a living room full of no one, “oh fuck.”
Back up a second.
A week prior, i was on a trail run with one of my girlfriends, and on our hill that greets us every Saturday morning around mile 1.5, i could barely get up it without feeling like my lungs were about to explode. Here’s kind of how the conversation went:
Sarah: AC, are you ok back there? You sound like the girl from the exorcist before her head did that 360 degree thingamajig.
AC: all good.
Sarah: AC, seriously, do you have your inhaler?
AC: I’m good, keep running.
Sarah: you have to do something about this shit. I can’t carry your ass back to the car if you collapse.
AC: you can and you will, bitch.
Anyhow, we finally reached the flat, but for the first time in many moons, i had to stop, catch my breath.
As we started running again, she seeded something in my brain that probably saved my life. She asked if i’d ever sought out alternate (read: homeopathic) solutions to help my asthma. Honestly, i thought i had it under control, what with all the inhalers and pills i was taking.
And then i read about Anthony Shadid.
So i decided it was time to give my middle finger to Western medicine and try another way.
It’s not that i have plans to escape Syria on a horse amidst the uprise against President Assad, but in any situation where animal hair, panic, and and elevated heart rate occur simultaneously, i am relatively positive i will be just as fucked.
So because i kind of want to live beyond age, say 60ish… i’m doing something about it.
And this is the first chapter of my journey.
So let’s start with what i do everyday to treat my asthma.
see those 3 blue beauties in the middle? One goes by my bed, one stays in my car, and one goes in my gym bag. I take 2 puffs about 8 times a day, and another 2-3 times at night.
I am never more than an arms length away from one, and i always have about 4 months’ supply on hand.
That lovely red one? That’s my steroid. Take that twice a day for about one week every month when my lungs decide they need more help.
And the bottles… that’s the really nasty stuff. 20MG’s of Prednisone. I get to take that about once a month, for a 10 days, when i simply fail to inhale. Which is precisely what i did after that trail run with Sarah.
The side effects of this bad boy are awesome. The short term ones are no biggie… a dose or two here or there? probably not going to hurt you. But the long term ones? No big deal, if you’re super into Cushing’s syndrome, truncal weight gain, osteoporosis, glaucoma and cataracts, type II diabetes mellitus, and depression upon dose reduction or cessation (source, Wikipedia).
It’s all good.
Except i can’t breathe.
So my journey begins.
And he did so many tests on me, by the end of it, my eyeball hurt (you think i’m kidding?)
my mouth tasted like fish, my finger was bleeding, and my muscles were all cramped.
The good news: My Blood Pressure, Cholesterol levels, Oral pH, and Tendon Reflexes are that of an extraordinarily healthy human being. But that’s not the problem, so they SHOULD be awesome.
The bad news: Failure on what is called an “Antigen-Antibody Screening Test” in the areas concerning my lungs. They simply are taking as much oxygen as they can get, leaving little left for the rest of the stuff in my body that needs it.
Also, High liver disfunction. High intolerance of Potatoes (what?), and multiple (as in bajillions) of hemangioas (he said “numerous,” but he was just being nice as we had just met).
And only 2 moons. Moons, you ask? You know those little white shapes on the base of your fingernails? you should have 10. I only had them on my thumbs. that’s no bueno at all. I want my moons back.
But i needed proof. Show me the money. That this is not a big HOAX. I mean, there are actual DOCTORS out there that are telling me that i should just keep taking the fucking Prednisone and shut the hell up. They have degrees from really amazing schools like YALE on their walls. So shouldn’t they be right? Who are YOU to tell me that goddamn plants and shit can save my life?
So he listened to my rant, and then he showed me this:
That is one of my sweet baby red blood cells.
Except it’s not all that red.
In fact, it’s so full of white, the doctor actually paused before saying, “you have severe inflammation in your blood. Very, very severe.” That’s what the white spots are.
And the dark red in the “yolk” area? Yep, that’s my kidney screaming at me. Working on over drive.
So long story short, here’s the deal, closing out chapter one for you.
The goal is to get that blood cell to a beautifully pristine circle of red.
The path is as follows:
Allerplex for allergic reactions.
Calcium Lactate for calcium.
UNDA 243 for Liver.
UNDA 45 for Kidneys.
UNDA 39 for Intestines.
Nat Mur #9 for mineral deficiencies.
Poly K & A drops to clear infections.
12 Biothermal treatments for circulation.
No meat except for fish (we O+’s need a bit of meat protein), no potato based foods (and holy shit are there a lot of things that are potato based, including, much to my astonishment, anything with Dextrose, Niacin, Thiamin, and Riboflavin) and NO cane based sugar (Agave is my new BFF).
And that is just the next 3 weeks (i am already 3 weeks in).
Then we test again. If my blood is less inflamed, if i have more moons, and if my Calcium levels are down, then we move to step 2.
Which will come in the form of Chapter 2.
But for now, i can tell you this, because THIS has happened.
_for the last 8 days i have slept through the night without taking Ambien before bed, and without one puff of my inhaler at any time before i wake up in the morning.
_I have had more energy than i have had since i was in high school.
_i have lost 11 pounds.
_i am learning that juicing with fruit is way better than juicing with steroids.
These are the ever so tiny (yet monumental, to me) gleams of hope that keep me excited, energized and enlightened.
I know beyond any doubt some of you are reading this thinking “she’s lost her fucking mind, this dude is a quack.” Because i have thought that all my life, that this kind of treatment is just plain stupid, because if it really worked, the world of Western medicine would be a complete FAIL and we’d live to 110 without bottles full of pills to keep us alive. If this works, why doesn’t everyone do it?
Me? I believe it’s because we are so short on patience, we don’t treat the cause, we just want a sweet, short fix to the symptom. That’s just me, the most impatient human being figuratively EVER.
If you have some chronic condition, or wicked drugs that you swallow daily that just really pisses you off and you’ve yet to find an alternate solution, i simply am offering this as a thought to be seeded in your brain just as it was in mine. The intent is not to shun Western meds. I will most likely always need an inhaler near by, but hopefully, through this, only will need it once a day, and not one laced with steroids, inhaled or pill form.
Don’t look at the number on your scale, look at your medicine cabinet.
Then we can talk.
But for now, it’s my path, however steep the climb, and i’m sticking to it.
To your 10 moons,