This morning, i was trying to thread my blog together.

And then i came across this incredible freaking article, and the course of what i wanted to focus on took a complete left hook across the face.

See, i’m trying to weave together a bunch of random happenings that led up to today, because everyone and their freaking llama is asking me what my New Year’s Resolution is, and the thing is, i think resolutions are a bunch of crap.  It’s like only giving thanks on Thanksgiving, or focusing on how much you love someone on Valentine’s Day.

So i’ve been processing what a perfect year could be for me, and i realize it’s got to start with the simple task of cleaning my junk drawer.

Let’s go back a second to December 27th, as we were all in Park City at my parents place, and my brother who talks a lot (which is generally fine since he’s the smartest person in the world, but it still didn’t stop me from sending him the incredibly freaking amazing article) was looking for some kitchen gadget in my mom’s junk drawer and found this:

yes, i know it’s blurry and you’re thinking, “IS THAT A FREAKING MICROWAVE RADIATION TESTER FROM, LIKE, THE 80’S, THAT IS CALLED THE SEEKER?????”

yes, my friends, yes it is.

So my brother, in a subtle way, so as not to completely crack his ass off, said, “um, mom, i have three questions for you…”

Andy: have you used this device, at all, in the last 15 years?

Mom: no.

Andy: are you aware you don’t need one?  (he proceeded to say that microwaves operate at roughly the same frequency as your cordless phone holder).

Mom: um, no.

Andy: are you aware they don’t actually work?

Mom: well, you never know when you might actually need one.

Soooo, we tested it.

You can take a few things from this photo:

1) the microwave oven radiation tester does not work.

2) yes, there is someone, somewhere, who produces signs that say “wine is bottled poetry.”

3) my life must obviously warrant more excitement this year if i am taking this picture.

which leads me to my point up at the beginning… where i started thinking, what the fuck is in my junk drawer?

so i opened it.

it’s a goddamn homegrown game of Pictureka.

And no, i did not plant the National Geographic article there.  My mother has been clipping and sending me articles since i skipped town when i was roughly 5, and this particular one was on how the teenage brain worked which she really wanted David and i to read because we have a teenager and we don’t know how he works.

we just never got around to reading it sooooo…it went into the junk drawer.

Anywho,

after about 30 minutes of cleaning out complete crap, i found no microwave oven radiation detectors, but i found so much complete un-awesomeness i had to finally break out the wineglass my mom got me for Christmas and pour myself some libations. it has 5 o’clock on the base.  seriously.  it’s the best glass ever.

it was the only way i was going to be able to finish this project, folks.

Finally, after about 71 hours of looking at that drawer and throwing away half the crap in it, i finished.  exhausted, yet freed.

So anyway, back to the point.

I read this amazing article, (the New York Times owes me bigtime because i have so many readers which i am SURE is impacting their stats on their readership) and i put down my phone and asked my daughter and husband to turn off their phones and computers and ipads and tv’s and we all got on our gear and went and ran approximately 790 vertical steps and then walked down to the bagel store and after that drove to Crate and Barrel to buy really cheap discounted Christmas stuff (sorry, guilty pleasure) and then paid the boy who watched our kitten $5 and finally…wrote our thank you notes to our grandparents.

And i was so excited, i didn’t even get severely pissed off at the dude who put his leaf blower in the back of his truck aimed right at me specifically TO PISS ME OFF.

and in the midst of all that, a dude walked up to us at the bagel place who had seen us running together and told us how awesome that was and how he wished his parents would have done that with him, and then because i was looking up instead of down at my phone i spotted an entire family walking in downtown Portland in their pajamas (ok, ok, i did at that point run get my iphone so i could take their picture):

the dad was even holding a smaller kid who was, in fact, well… you know.

ok, to my damn point.

here are my new years resolutions, if you need to know.

1) look up.

2) not give a shit about if my junk drawer gets messy again, i discover new things.

3) keep hating leaf blowers, keep loving taking pictures every goddamn day.

4) caring less about the quantity of my work, and more about the quality.

5) more yoga, less running, but more of everything.  just more.

6) not try to win the internets every day.  Maybe just Monday, since statistically it’s the best day to post a blog.

7) keep writing.

to all of you that have contributed to the over 16,000 reads of my dumb-ass blog,

to the 42 posts i’ve written that started this time last year (it was, in fact, my resolution),

and to my all time favorite of those 42 and to the one you all loved the most (statistically speaking, not just because it’s the best story that you never knew until now),

I THANK YOU.

And i wish you resolutions that mean something to you and only you.

What is next may be madness, or it may be quiet, but whatever it will be…

it will be big.

Happy New Year.

Peace,

AC