Dr. Keith Ablow, go fuck yourself.
This was my thought, just over a month ago, when this happened:
Jenna Lyons, the creative director for J. Crew, had the afore-shown (new word?) photo in the company’s latest catalog.
Then, out of the friggin’ blue, a bunch of uber-conservative dingbats, led by Dr. Ablow and his posse of idiotic morons (see: Glenn Beck), raised all hell that this little boy was going to grow up confused about his identity, who would be affected by her “innocent pleasure,” and for whom she should start putting aside funds, not for Princeton, but for psychotherapy.
Well, fuck you.
I know it’s been over a month. i do.
But i can’t let this one go.
So instead of getting insanely fucking pissed, i thought i would test the theory on my own daughter.
Those of you that know me, or have read any of my blogs (probably specifically would be the “mirror mirror on the wall” post) know that i am so insanely in love with being a mother to my daughter that i would never, ever, ever put her in harm’s way.
So, Dr. A-Blow.
So, Mr. Beck-ass-face.
On behalf of Jenna. On behalf of every girl who used to dress up her little brother as a girl. On behalf of every girl who stuffed a sock in their pants for Halloween to be some farmer dude or Charlie Chaplin or whatever male character needed authentication through a set of well placed “nut-socks” (another new word?). On behalf of us humans living in the present where we can be confident in ourselves and accept each other for who we goddamn are, and on behalf of like-minded parents who want their kids to grow up in a world where being gay, lesbian, trans-gender, or straight is just fucking FINE….
drink sip of wine…
here is a photo shoot i wanted to do.
I tried to think of a thing that only men do that women generally don’t.
And since Jenna beat me to the toenail painting, i chose this:
So i had my cousin, Matt McMullen, come up to our house and take some shots. He’s a brilliant photographer, and even more, he’s an insanely gifted person, and i’m so proud of him. So when i told him my blog idea and what i wanted to capture, he was here 2 hours later, camera in hand.
So we did this shoot.
I shaved my daughters face.
So far, here is what happened:
We went to New York and she asked why Osama wanted to kill so many people.
My husband drove her to school and she asked about what “eye for an eye” meant.
I flew to LA to watch six female athletes blow away an entire theater packed crowd with their mindblowing achievements in surfing.
And we are saving diligently to save enough money to send her to any university she wishes to attend, as whomever she turns out to be.
You will be sadly disappointed Dr. Ablow that we are not needing any therapy for our “non-girly like” activity. I’m sure you are also disappointed that the Rapture didn’t come to fruition, but alas, life truly does go on.
We are not defined by gender. We are not defined by stereotypes. We are defined by ourselves…
and if my daughter’s cheeks are smoother to prove this, then so be it.
Save the psychotherapy for those that can’t accept where we are going as a human race.
Because Jenna’s son and Andrea’s daughter are both going to be amongst the future of it.
you rock! thanks for sharing and being ‘that kind of parent’!
marilee – i love your comment and honored to receive that comment. when next in Mexico, we’re coming to see you!!!!
AC, like i said, brilliant post, again. Sorry if this is going to sound like a rant, because it is.
Here’s what I want to know: Why can’t we let kids grow up to be who and what they want to be? So your son wants to be a hair dresser. If it makes him happy then what’s the problem? Your daughter wants to be a NASCAR racer. You can make a decent living doing that.
Where will the judgement stop ? How about boys with long hair and girls with short hair? Girls riding motorcycles and boys wearing earrings ?
The real harm comes from trying to force our kids to be something that they aren’t. If your son ends up being gay it’s because he was born that way, not because he liked playing with Barbies as a child. If your daughter ends up a lesbian it’s because she was born that way, not because she liked playing Cowboys and Indians as a kid. We should encourage our kids to be who they are and not what everyone else expects them to be and it’s going to take them awhile to figure that out. They may bend or break a few cultural norms along the way, but if anything they may gain a greater insight into how others are perceived.
Painting a boys nails is NOT going to scar a child. What will scar a child is berating them for doing something, or shaming them for being different. And the excuse that they’re just protecting them from ridicule, is bullshit. It IS a ridiculous thought, and coming from the worst place possible. Small minded. Bigoted, and credulous.
All I can say is, it must be awfully easy to get a doctorate in some places.
Dr (my ass) Ablow, and all those who agree with you , GO FUCK YOURSELF indeed!
Jon Stewart never fails…
one of my FAVORITES.
Three personal life stories…(keep in mind I grew up in the conservative state of Nebraska where my first stuffed animal was an elephant…)
1. While running around our farm in my early years, I used to take my shirt off with the rest of my cousins and brothers and run through sprinklers, play in the mud, and have a good ole fashioned time. But at the age of 5, my Grandpa Lloyd told me that girls could not take their shirts off in the yard anymore. I was so perplexed…”Why?” I asked…my grandfather (beyond his years of acceptance for his generation) said, “Because some things in life are not fair. Because sometimes boys can do things that girls cannot…and sometimes girls can do things that boys cannot.” It was the first “gender” confrontation I ever had and at the time, the explanation sufficed. He told me that I could paint my nails and wear dresses and I guess I took it as a fair swap….but it just goes to show how shaped we are by the cultural/gender stereotypes at a young age. (BTW, I am NOT saying that girls should be able to go bare-chested and play shirts and skins basketball…just to clear the air here!)
2. Funny that you used the shaving example. I remember crawling up on the sink next to my dad in the mornings while he shaved his face. My dad, instead of putting shave cream on my legs and telling me that “this is where girls shave,” lathered up my face and gave me a “fake” razor with no blades. Morning and night I would shave with my dad and he would just smile at me. My dad is my hero. He never EVER corrected me on where I should be in the world of gender acceptance.
3. In high school, I toyed with the idea of going out for football. I liked volleyball okay…but I really liked the idea of being a kicker…Friday night lights….you know the romantic idea of the sport. Instead of blocking my dreams, I was laced up in my older brother’s football gear – head to toe. After taking a few moves in the front lawn, I decided football was not meant for me….but it was up to me. I know, to this day, if that would have been my desire, my parents would have been on my side fighting for my right to play.
Dr. Ablow…get your own life.
xo to the moon…(and I might have to shave tonight just for kicks!)
sometimes, one word is all that is needed. xo. means a ton. AC
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