Embrace your inner Beast.

I am really fucking cranky tonight.

So I’m going to write about guns.

For those of you who have ready ANY of my previous blogs, you have probably inferred at least the following about me:

1)   I am a viscous liberal (not the hairy armpit, tie-myself-to-a-tree kind, but more the anti-FOX, pro-Obama, “let men marry men and women marry women for goddamn sakes” kind).

2)   I love Peeps.

3)   I fucking love to swear.  I’ve tried to tame it, and I think I’ve done a pretty good job so far.  Until now.  Sorry.

4)   I am loyal. To a fault.

5)   I am a mischevious, melodramatic pleaser.

6)   I cry at the random memory of my grandmother.

7)   I hate guns.

Let’s focus on the latter, here, for just a second.

Because see, I have this friend.  I swear, she probably should not be my friend, in the natural order of things, because we are so damn opposite, it’s stupid.

_She drives a wicked new Harley Davidson, I drive a 1988 Porsche 911.

_She a Texan who has raised 8 children.  I’m a Utahn that could barely could hold onto myself raising one.

_She is bipolar, I’m… well, I don’t know what the hell I am, but she had the guts to figure it out.

_Her husband can build anything with his hands.  My husband can sway anyone with his mind.

_Her drink is a Tanqueray and Tonic.  Mine, a Coors Light.

_She’s got some serious… ummm… well let’s just say she’s got a figure to die for.  I’m flat and ill-proportioned.

You get the damn point.  We are different.

And Teri, miss-bipolar-diva-Harley-riding-republican, she loves guns.

And I hate guns.

I think.

I don’t know.  I have this weird thing with guns.

Was in Arizona this Fall, on an offsite with my team, and we did this 4 wheeling Hummer deal out in the desert (I was assured by the bumper sticker on the vehicle it was running on biodiesel, and it better have been the truth, goddamnit).

I feel i need to insert a couple photos here  1) to prove that we did this and 2) to show Sandy flipping me off again… i don’t make this shit up.

Anyway, this muscular as hell ex-ranger dude was running the operation.  He was packing heat (can I say that?  Can I say “packing heat?”  or is that some really lame-ass totally juvenile expression one doesn’t use anymore, I don’t know, I DON’T KNOW!!!).

Anyway, it was all I could do not to stare at that thing.  It was like this uber-masculine metal machine that I at the same time totally feared and revered.

So after all the boys went for their 4-wheeling joy ride in the desert, he was driving us back and I asked him if I could fire it.  Me.  Miss anti-gun, fuck the NRA, girl.

I couldn’t help it.  I really, really, really wanted to fire that thing.  And he was totally into letting me try, even though it could have cost him his job, but then my love for “keeping him employed” got the best of me and I didn’t take him up on the offer.

Back to my point.

Here I am, friends with this woman who writes about her love of guns and firing guns and the smell of gunfire all the time and I get stupid pissed.

She posted this photo on her blog (www.thebipolardiva.com.  go read it) and i got really pissed off:

so to calm my tension… i did what i do to control things in a photo… i edited it… used a little “colorcross” action from CameraBag (read my “ass-in-the-bag” post for that unbelievable trick to photo editing…) and changed her photo to this:

But after editing, i STILL didn’t feel better.  There was no, “take that, BITCH” moment that i was expecting.  Because… what I have realized, now, is that I’m not pissed at her.  I think I’m pissed at myself because I have this internal conflict about guns.

I am obsessed with the power in them, but at the same time hate the thought of one even NEAR my family.

So for all of you reading this (and thank you to the incredible amount of you that are) that stand on whatever moral issue on which it is you stand, ask yourself…

do you stand on it because you’re supposed to, or because you really do???

I’m telling you. I WANT to hate guns.  It is in my half of my DNA to hate guns (mother:hates guns, father:owns guns).

I want to get really goddamn angry at Teri for her passion with guns, for taking her KIDS to the shooting range.  It seems, it feels, it TASTES like blasphemy.

Yet I can’t.  For several (ok, four) reasons.

First.  I think I love guns.  I’ll NEVER EVER EVER own one or have one in my home.  I know that with absolute certainty. Don’t question me on that because you will be wrong and I will lose all the crazy mad respect for you I have right now.

Second. I love that Teri and I can be completely different women from a totally different background and have entirely different values and I can still love everything about what she stands for.

Third, I trust that anyone reading this, from her social circle to mine, can judge us equally and respect both our sides.  Better yet, those of you that don’t judge but rather embrace our differences, I adore you even more.

And finally, I’ll just say this.

I’m going to shoot a motherfucking gun someday, and when I do, I’ll be channeling the Teri Worley vibe the entire ride.

And as of this posting, i’ve got a date with a gun and a girl and a farm and hell yes i’m going to make sure at least one person is there shooting film instead of bullets.

embrace your differences with your friends.

They may be the most solid foundation on which you stand.

Give a damn.


This entry was posted in beast, Corradini Photo, embrace, guns, humor, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to Embrace your inner Beast.

  1. That invitation to the gun range is still open…..

  2. Donna says:

    I love me some liberal Utahns 🙂

  3. AP Adventurer says:

    AC, probably the best post yet. Why?? Well because it’s raw, yet there us a lesson threaded through it. An important one at that. Embrace differences!! As much as they frustrate us all, it’s exactly what opens our minds and makes us grow!! It’s basically the same as a hard training session for your body, but instead it’s your mind that benefits. Keep ’em coming girl!

  4. Yyyyyeah. I hate guns and dated a cop who wore his WHILE WE WATCHED TV. I made him dislodge it from my ribcage and he popped the clip out and set both pieces on the end table. And I swear, I KNOW I never picked it up, because it was his service weapon and God forbid my prints are on it when he has some sort of shootout with some jerk at a 7-11, but I have this weird sensory memory of the weight of it in my hand. It scares me. I think that’s why they’re fascinating. It’s a romance. My sisters hate guns but love firing them. I hate them all-around, but I get what you’re saying.

    • ok, that’s just bizarre. i noted that you said “dated”, not “date” which means hopefully he is a think of that past (but catching lots of criminals?). thank you for the comment! very much appreciated. AC

  5. Alexis says:

    AC … I remember that trip to AZ … And I remember the very second that our guide told you it was all biodiesel followed by an almost giddy-newfoundlove for being there at that very second. But mostly, I second the comment left by AP Adventurer…there’s a huge lesson here and thanks to you, I was reminded of it this evening. Miss you and so stoked to read this blog daily…keep on keepin on.

    • Lex! What a trip, right! i was SO bummed on that damn Hummer and you found, as you said, the one solution that made me happy! I am so thankful for that day, as it made such a fun story to tell. Miss you too… hope all is well and thank you so much for the comments and kind kind words. xo.

  6. Katie says:

    This summer I had one of Tito’s former bodymen put his JNA (Yugoslav National Army) gun (with insignia) and his former Yugoslav police officer gun in a holster he had put on me. I didn’t like it at all (and I did make him take out all clips before) and I will likely never have guns on me again. But when Tito’s former bodyman pulls out his guns, you do as told (the bottles of wine helped)…

    If the 2nd Amendment could be abolished I’d be the happiest little int’l human rights master ever…

  7. Deb Lemon says:

    AC – love this post, I too am liberal and love to swear, maybe it is because I worked at nike for 13 years. More importantly, I grew up in Virginia, where hunting is a sport and I got a .410 – an entry level shotgun at an early age to join my brothers and family in shooting everything from skeet to grouse. Any game we shot became dinner, not a trophy -eating wild game is such a liberal thing to do these days. We grew up respecting guns and people. However being from Virginia, redneck exposure was high, and may have caused me not to like guns or people that defined themselves by their guns. Fast forward, my husband is from San Diego, a liberal as well, his occupation as tour manager for many rock bands/musicians we all know and love, and the first gift he gave me was a target rifle, so I could shoot with him and his daughter at the gun range. After having not touched a gun for two decades the thrill was still there, after all I am soo f#@*ing competitive. As a business owner, mother of a toddler, yes, we have guns in the house(in the safe of course). Some may say that is because we live in Venice (history of gang violence and all), I say it is because it is a sport we respect. And yes I have many friends on both sides, and I love them all. I hate fox news. And love to tell my conservative family when we are not debating about politics, that respect is not a left or right issue it is a human issue. Thank for keeping it real.

    • Wow, Deb. what a reply! i loved it, read it twice! I think one of the most rewarding things about putting controversial issues out there is the amazing experiences people have in their lives to shape their opinions on issues. what i love about your comment is that your position on guns is real… you’ve lived it. it comes from life experience, not tainted media bullshit. i respect that so much. thank you for the story… it validates exactly why i started this blog in the first place! Have a great night. AC

  8. Jane Savage says:

    AC – substitute the word GUN w/PENIS – and then what happens? Some penis envy perhaps? I’m with you – love/hate. Would never want one in my house, but have always wanted to fire one. Was at a friend’s house (can’t remember whom) who kept the spent shell casing from her gun firing – she was pretty shaken up and it killed any gun lust she had after that. It’s also a power thing.
    BTW – I like swearing – that’s the Masshole in me, I guess. Check it if you haven’t – I’m finally into The Wire. The best swearing scene is in episode 4 of season 1.

    • haha! i love it! i haven’t done a blog on Penis’ yet… now THAT would be an interesting one! You are more than welcome to come with me for my “first firing.” have had plenty of offers after this posting, and have graciously accepted a couple! why not make it a multi-experience experience! Thank you for the comment… i just really appreciate it. and as for The Wire, it’s on the list for sure… starting it now that we have a home in which to watch it! xo.

      • Jane Savage says:

        Sandy’s double bird flip reminds me of a scene – I think the pilot episode of The Wire where the main character gets the double bird from his Major.

  9. Rob-bear says:

    Any friend of the Diva’s is a friend of mine.

    I’m no gun lover. I’ve had guns in my hand, and used them for target practice. But I’m not fascinated with them, and I wouldn’t have one in my house. (My wife might shoot me some day if we did.)

    Besides, guns are not a Canadian sort of thing, though we do have a sizeable hunting community. We’re more, uh, genteel, maybe. You Americans are big on “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” We Canadians like “peace, order, and good government.” Slight cultural difference there. Diva and I do go on about guns. But, her gunniness (can I say gunniness?) notwithstanding, she’s got a responsible attitude towards gun ownership and use, so I give her full marks for that. Just like I give her full marks for her attitude and actions about her multi-racial family.

    You and the Diva might think you’re different. I think you’re a lot closer to each other than you believe.

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