so it’s funny. maybe it’s not funny, but i find it funny. There have been more than a few occasions where my friends, people who know me and love me for the totally bizarre person i am, tell me that i should run for office.
This hits home on many levels. First of all, some of you may know, but more of you may not know, that my mother was Mayor of Salt Lake City for 8 years. The 2002 Olympic Games occured in this city because the bid was won during her tenure (she’s a bit of an Olympic GURU). You may not think this is a big deal. but it is. Under normal circumstances, a two term mayor is, well, no big whoop. Lots of politicians serve two terms, if not way more. Some stay way too long, but that’s another topic all together. But how many female, democrat, divorcee, non-mormons have done this in the capital city of the most conservative state in the union?
i’ll tell you how many.
ONE. my momma.
I wrote my honors thesis on how this woman got elected (cue the “omg” card… i was a poli. sci. major). Oh, and she’s very happily married now to an amazing guy, but the female, democrat, non-mormon still hold very, very true.
So once again, like my last post, i will veer a bit from photography editing “tips” per se, but will instead share with you my top 10 list of why i will never be elected mayor (or at the very least SHOULDN’T be) and show how one might use borrowed photography (all photos below taken from Google images with exception of the wine glasses, which was taken by my nephew) as an illustration.
It’s either that or write a children’s book, and i’m running on limited talent enough as it is.
soooo… here we go. the top 10 reasons i shouldn’t ever run for office:
1) i don’t see very many male politicians in good pants, so that would totally distract me from any serious conversation. I’d be trying to hear their POV on educational funding, and i’ll i’d be thinking is, “really? you think those pleats still work for you, do ya?”
2) i don’t look anything like Hilary Clinton. My mom does, and she was a really awesome mayor. ok, it’s not linked, probably not at all, but i had to get this photo in SOMEWHERE. I mean really, could there be any better resemblance?
3) when someone pisses me off, it’s hard for me not to hit them. Or at least push them “with intent to harm.” this doesn’t go over well in politics. Oh, option B is just yelling “YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!” This, again, would be counted as a “fail.”
mom, she was blasted by the media. all the time. had the thickest skin on the planet and would just be so graceful. i swear, i think i could handle it, but let me tell you, as a kid, it SUCKS watching what the media can do to your parent. So, you know, i have some skeletons in there and that’s where they’re gonna STAY.
4) i swear a lot, goddamnit.
5) i hate losing. this is different than loosing. don’t mix the two or you will pay. My mom hates losing too, but what she hates even more is that the women ski jumpers can’t jump in the Olympics (read opening about THAT passion), so she’s gone and become President of US Ski Jumping to ensure that one day (and it better be Sochi) these girls can jump.
6) i accept bribes. especially when they rhyme with “vine” or “crocklet.” but i might even take money.
7) i look disastrous in red. I’m pretty sure that is every politician’s “power color.” Mom always wore this color and it’s just beautiful on her!
(hell, even Al is wearing a red tie. i’m telling you… P-O-W-E-R C-O-L-O-R. And i don’t even think they called they called each other and were like, “ok, you wear the red jacket and i’ll rock the red tie…coolio?”)
i dare you to try to find a picture of me in ANYTHING red. double dog dare. TRIPLE dog dare. ok, i QUADRUPLE DOG DARE you to find one. i don’t own red. thus, can’t be mayor.
8. i can’t do more than two things at once, generally. Mentally, yes. I can multi-task like nobody’s business. But physically, gimme one thing, and let me off the leash. Give me fire “hand-offing” (yep, just made up THAT verb), running, and a hat that makes me look like a smurf, and i’m done.
i think Mayor’s should definitely be able to do a couple physical things at once. Shaking hands is just part of the job. Now mom, she manages this all the time (i think she has a distinct advantage when she wears her power color… she really does become super-human).
look at her. she’s waving a massively huge flag, walking around a goddamn STADIUM in front of like 8 billion people, and ACCEPTING THE RESPONSIBILITY OF HOSTING THE NEXT WINTER GAMES!!! you, know… like we do all the time.
9) i get stressed out enough over a profile picture. i use every trick in the book that i’ve outlined in my former blogs to not give away that i am over 4 decades old. The media, well, they would have free reign on my mug shot and that would be disastrous. my mother always looked beautiful.
10) i couldn’t ever attend evening events where i would be the VIP because i always have too much wine and i’d spontaneously dance to any 80’s song that came over the sound system and immediately embarrass myself. well on second thought i wouldn’t be embarrassed that night, but i’d have to resign the next morning for sure.
And the 11th reason i just don’t think i could do it (i really do need 11. It’s a NIKE thing).
11) two words. women’s pantsuits.
So what started as a blog to just let y’all know that a political career is not in my future turned out to be a celebration of a woman who made me the passionate, competitive, adventurous, and bold person i am today.
i’m good with that. really good.
love you, mom.
for more on this amazing woman, check it out: