childhood memories in the ass-of the-bag.

Please, someone figure out the title before i have to explain it.

I bet my brother will.  he’s the smartest person i know.

waiting… waiting… waiting…

ok, i’ll s’plain.

i was a very lucky young girl growing up.  My parents divorced at a young age, but they remained (and still do to this day) very close.

My summers i spent with my father and wicked step-mother (an endearing term, i assure you), and though they moved a couple times, i still remember with complete clarity our home on the East Coast.  Every evening (after Mickey Mouse club, of course…) all the kids would run outside to play hide & seek, kick the can, or a G-rated version of truth or dare (“i triple dog DAAAARE you to go tell Bobby’s mom she looks like a fish”).  So angry were we to be called inside at 9pm when the sun was setting and we had to take our bath or eat or whatever.  You see, we lived on a cul-de-sac.  Aaaaand…. there it is.

Cul-de-sac.  Ass-of the-bag.  That is the literal French translation (and yes, all you grammar geeks, i DID use “literal” literally so lay the f*&k off).

What is that? What French dude-turned American thought that a bunch of houses crowded together around a dead end street that formed a circle should be called an ass of the bag?  it’s wrong.  so wrong.

So, to you, my sweet amis (et amies)… i shall, in exchange for this lame-ass translation, give to you another idea for a bag that is sure to make your photos sing sweet jesus (see how i just brought it all together?):

Camerabag!

Yes!

Camerabag!

this is a photo editing application you ABSOLUTELY must buy.  If you don’t buy it, you are either a complete fool, or photo editing is not your forte (in French: strength) and i have nothing further i can do for you.  AND, check it… it is available for BOTH windows and mac!

ok, ok, let’s get to the goddamn point.  WHAT CAN THIS $15 I’M GOING TO SPEND DO FOR ME???  Well, let me show you, you impatient jackass.

Staying with the theme of summertime cul-de-sac fun (yep, that is now an official theme) take this photo.  2 kids, chillin’ in the summer time.  Just finished riding bikes (as you can see by the sweat on my daughters’ brow):

ok.  it’s awesome.  i mean, this is an awesome photo.  i’m not being egotistical, because i had nothing to do with it, other than having my camera in hand at the moment that these two amazing kids looked at me and gave me this gift.  look at the sneakers.  look at the genuine innocence of youth.  seriously.  there is no reason to even touch this photo.

But there is.  There IS.  It’s called Camerabag.

Step 1: go to this link: http://www.nevercenter.com/camerabag/

Step 2:  pay the f*%cking $15 to buy this.  don’t argue with yourself.  just do it.

Step 3: download either the mac or windows version.

Step 4:  drop it into your applications photo (you don’t have to remember this step, they’ll tell you that when you download it).

Step 5:  open the application.  drag any goddamn photo you want into it, and prepare yourself for complete self pleasure (don’t go there). You should see a screen that looks like this:

so, to take my original photo:

now.  take Camera bag.  drag your photo into the middle square.  Should look like this:

see all those options down below!  it’s crazy!  here, i’ll blow one up for you… let’s say i want to put these two shorties in “Colorcross”:

i know.  holy shit, right?  it’s so cute it should be illegal.  but it isn’t (unless you hack into camerabag and get it for free, but don’t.  support business.  that’s someone’s dinner you’re stealing).

how about this option:

suuuuuuper cool, right?  it’s like you had an instamatic and it shot right outta the camera.

Let’s seeeee… what else comes with summertime fun in your friendly neighborhood ass-of the-bag?  Dogs!  Dogs definitely are a part of any childhood summer.  So let’s do this exercise with a cute puppy.  girls and boys, meet Monty:

(who’s a good boy…WHOOOOO’S a good boy?  Who’s a GOOD boy!)

Now, let’s take the journey through Camera Bag together.  If i drag my photo into the application, i can have SO much fun.

magazine monty.

lolo monty.

1974 Monty

colorcross Monty (for whatever reason, this most always turns out to be my favorite option).

let’s see, another summertime activity… aha!  i know!  swimming in a lake!  Let’s take our girl Monyca Byrne-Wickey (we introduced her in my “angle” post).  When you have a picture that already has a ton of color, the results are stunning.  First, of course, the original (yes, i color boosted already, which we introduced in my “blackbirds” post):

one might pause… why mess with it!  But CameraBag gets kind of addicting.  Watch:

the green hornet would be jealous.

magazine ready.  and she’s been in a few lately (go purchase this months Teen Vogue, yep, she’s in there).

not that they exist anymore, but it’s as if you had an instant camera!

so you see, you get the gist, i don’t need to go any farther with this.

oh, wait, yeah i do.  cuz one more thing you may do in the summer is get out of your ass-of the-bag and travel to amazing locations.  I had to post this one, because it was on our summer vacation this year, and i really don’t need to describe where:

original

that’s right.  1 Venice, 5 reflections.  (wow, that was DEEP, AC)

so my friends, I would love to end this blog with the following truths in mind:

1) Cul-de-sac is literally translated as ass-of the-bag.  You can decide when it’s a good time to share this information with your children.

2) Camerabag would be translated as “sac d’apareille photo” if you would like to share that with them now (good luck on pronunciation – it cannot be said phonetically).

3) i get absolutely zero profits/kudos/highfives or hugs from either Camerbag or the Cul-de-sac Association for promoting either of them.

4) i do not believe there is such thing as a Cul-de-sac Association – i just made that up.

5) as of this posting, over 1290 of you have found the time to read one or more of my blogs.  i am not making this up, luckily stats tell you this shit when you start a blog. I adore you all.

6) from the day i started this particular posting (Tuesday) to now (takes awhile to get the words right), the following has happened:  i witnessed a tree falling from 8 billion straight days of rain here in Portland (sliiiiiight exaggeration butnotreally), I learned about the Mayan Apocalypse, i had a Gary Ablett shot (do NOT EVER DO ONE), my kitty, who had disappeared for 3 days, came home to us, a dear sweet friend of mine became an Auntie for the very first time, and another bestie of mine received the glorious news that the doctors feel they had successfully removed all of her cancer cells from a spot of melanoma.

small experiences each and everyday can be a moment to photograph, so i hope these lame ass blog posts inspire even the smallest reason for you all to pick up a camera and go capture them.

As always,

AC

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This entry was posted in Corradini Photo, dogs, humor, kids, photograhy tips, photography, summer, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to childhood memories in the ass-of the-bag.

  1. SR says:

    Love your words of wisdom…about capturing life thru a lens of a camera. Also the “colorcross” pic is WAY cool. Camera bag adds another dimension to pictures. Like!

  2. regina says:

    Good stuff, even i can do this!

  3. ip camera says:

    Simply, one of the best article l have come across on this precious subject. I quite agree with your suppositions and will eagerly look forward to your forthcoming updates.

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